What is “know thyself”? How do we live it? It’s a necessary part of the growth so many of us want. But is it easy or pleasant?
There’s no doubt that knowing ourselves in depth—understanding the inner forces that shape who we are, our motives, beliefs, wants and ideas—is the cornerstone of our ethical and inner development.
We’re unaware of so much that plays a big role in how we’re formed. We spend most of our lives in a kind of trance. When we try to take the reins of our life, driven by the wish to live more consciously, we come face to face with ourselves—at once a precious ally and a formidable enemy.
Flawed perfection
The reason we hold such big contradictions inside us in everyday life lies in the nature of being human. It’s a flawed kind of perfection: one that can both unleash storms and give birth to wonders.
Questions for self-knowledge
When we decide to know ourselves we meet the hard truth of who we are. What’s at the root of the motives that have driven our life? Do we have the right to lose heart about how things have turned out and what we’ve reaped? Maybe the motives we set as the basis for the “ideal” life we built weren’t even freely chosen? Or maybe we’ve built a version of ourselves that pleases us in a kind of daydream—until it clashes with reality.
Self-knowledge is uncomfortable, because whoever pursues it has to accept both the power it gives and the unpleasant reality it brings: the awareness of our flaws and the parts of our personality we’d uproot if we could.
The flawed perfection we’re talking about is the essence of human nature. That doesn’t make it negative. It’s simply what it is. What we’ve allowed ourselves to become. So many factors shape us that when we start to understand them—and the role we’ve let ourselves play—we can be shocked at how little we’ve shown up for ourselves.
On the other hand, we always try to do our best within our limits. That’s what flawed perfection is: the fact that many of the things we later criticize in ourselves from a distance are still us. And that’s exactly what we need to accept—ourselves as we are, with our flaws and our failures. If we want self-knowledge we have to accept the truth of who we are. It may be ugly, uncomfortable, beautiful or all of these at once. It’s still what shapes us, and we can’t escape it.
We need willingness, desire and patience on the path of self-knowledge. It’s a path that never really ends, like the evolution of life itself—but it offers gifts that we can see and use depending on the intention we carry inside.
“It takes courage… to endure the sharp pains of self-discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.”
— Marianne Williamson
For more on accepting ourselves and letting go of the idea of a perfect “destination,” read our articles There Is No Destination and Your Deepest Darkness Is Also the Source of Your Strength. For more on empathy and how we relate to others, see Ethics and Empathy: Priceless Gifts for a Society of Peaceful Coexistence.
Happy Life Team
